MEMBERS PRESENT: J. Allison, E. Bateman, J. Blach, D. Borino, J. Emerson, M. Fenger, P. Fox, G. Goicoechea, M. Harper-Harrison, C. Hyslop, L. Hyslop, M. Kuhl, M. McFarlane, C. McMullen, R. McNally, M. Myrhow, P. Normandie, C. Pyatt, J. Rice, K. Schwandt, R. Siler, G. Smith, J. Smith, J. Stringfield, S. Sweetwater, G. Tenney, P. Warren
"The first award will go to the Academic Standards Committee, Chaired by Karen "Don't Talk To Me About Grade Inflation" Martin. You've upheld the ultimate in standards... and now, after you've jumped through all the academic hoops, we want to honor you with a great whoop-la. We, however, have met with a budgetary obstacle and thus, must present you with a "mini-whoopla." Use it in good health and don't sprain any appendages." (The committee was presented with plastic bangle-style bracelets of various colors to represent hoops.)
"The Compensation and Benefits Committee chaired by Juanita "The Buck Stops Here" Karr. As your service has been beneficial to the health, well-being, and financial status of all GBC-ites, we'd like to blow your horn ... but we'll let you do it yourself ... any time you'd like." (The committee was present with plastic party horns in bright colors.)
"The Distance Learning Committee chaired by Larry "Over Hill And Over Dale" Hyslop. You're famous ... or infamous ... for knocking loudly on the door of the future. We present you with your personal set of "knockers" with which you can knock as often and as loudly as you please without fear of damaging your knuckles." (The committee were presented with plastic knocking toys which consist of two suspended ball shapes which when you move them up and down, or spin them quickly knock into each other.)
"The Faculty and Administrative Evaluations Committee chaired by Richard "You Scratch My Back, I'll Scratch Yours" McNally also known as Richard "Evaluate This!" McNally. To aid you in marshaling your resources for next year, we present you with a whistle blower's special. We salute you and look forward to snapping to attention as you administer and append your faculties in the pursuit of evaluation excellence." (The committee was presented with plastic whistles.)
"The Scholarships and Awards Committee co-chaired by Joan "The Application Deadline Is Near" Williams and Kathy "When Will We Award A Golf Scholarship" Dimick. In recognition of your magnanimous efforts on behalf of GBC students ... and in acknowledgment of the ups and downs of your duties, you are hereby presented with an official, Yo-Yo Ma instrument of relaxation. Yes, we're stringing along with a musical joke in honor of Ralph Siler. Co-chairs of the committee, who by now, are in desperate need of some quality Calgon time, you will be happy to know a suitable workplace substitute has been found. We therefore present you with this bottle of magic complete with bubbles, wand, and wistful wishes. OO-LA-LA!" (The committee were presented with plastic yo-yos and a small bottle of bubbles.)
"The Four Year Degree Committee chaired by Jack "I Have Nothing New To Report" Smith. To this select committee of visionaries... as you continue to focus and bring the future into view, we wish to present you with an appropriate mark of distinction. No Oakleys, no Raybans, or Christian Diors here. Only exotic, colorful, and personality packed lenses to guide you on your way. Don't lose sight of your perspective please." (The committee were presented with plastic glasses with very colorful and outrageous lenses.)
"The Budget Committee chaired by Dick "Does Anyone Need Any Money" Borino. Dollars and cents ... we rely on your assets for maintaining a healthy financial bottom line. It is to your credit, that you have served the college well. When it comes to a balancing act, we can count on you to carry the ball. We award you "scepters of satisfaction", which are also known as "love ghosts", in hopes that you will always hit your mark." (The committee were presented with plastic ball and cup games.)
"The Curriculum and Articulation Committee chaired by Genie "Please Don't Submit Syllabi With Typos" Goicoechea. Your feats in 1997-98 have been amazing. For service above and beyond the usual responsibilities, we commend you. For successfully tackling GBC's articulation and transfer mazes, we present you with a memento to remind you that you will never want to volunteer for this committee again during a catalog year." (The committee were presented with plastic maze games with the small steel ball which is to be maneuvered into the right place.)
"The Facilities Committee chaired by Mike "I Want A Window And A Skylight" McFarlane. As warriors of the diplomatic service of GBC facilities utilization, and as purveyors of the space, we recognize your contribution and winning efforts. We the troops salute you and challenge you to naval exercises on the green." (The committee were presented with plastic toy soldiers.)
"The Personnel Committee chaired by Glenn "We Got A Stack Of Applications To Review" Tenney. In honor of your many successful reconnaissance efforts and long range sorties, we recognize your countless yours of services. In our opinion, you rank high ... "generally" speaking. We therefore, award you all five stars as you are all outstanding in some field, ACHOO!" (The committee were awarded plastic sheriff's stars.)
"The Student Relations Committee chaired by Mara "The Student Relations Committee Didn't Meet Again This Month" Van de Ven. For your excursions and maneuvers within student bunkers, and your ability to regiment appropriate exercises in communal events, we salute you. You make a commanding presence in our midst. Tanks a lot." (The committee were presented with small plastic army tanks.)
"To our official scribe, Chris "I Can't Believe A Group Of Adults Can Actually Spend Their Time This Way" Mitchell. Chris, being of sound mind and a capable practitioner of words, well, at least you were when you started this job.... we award you this Menagerie Medial of Honor .. a prize befitting only the most exceptional and proficient scribe. May you continue to write (metaphorically speaking) your destiny in the best of health and with the highest quality of implements at your disposal." (Chris was presented with one each of all the plastic toys given out.)
"The next awards go to Ron "Candidly Speaking I Really Love My New Office" Remington, Carl "I Hate Prairie Dogs" Diekhans, Betty "Thank God I've Got An Assistant" Elliott, Lynn "I Need Your Course Submission Forms Soon" Mahlberg, Cliff "I'm A Dean" Ferry, Stan "I Like My Shirts Ironed" Aiazzi, and Jeanne "It's Only Two And A Half Million Dollars" Blach. As you have served the college and its personnel with integrity, fervor and unfailing affection, we acknowledge your many contributions and skills: doling out dollars, deciding disputes, grooming us for growth, responding to Regents, predicating policy, cogitating curriculum, promoting professionalism, and on and on and on...... We hereby present you with a token of our esteem. If you preserve these gifts in an appropriate manner, predicted world shortages will only encourage a growth in value -- a nest egg for your future enjoyment. However, should you choose to indulge yourself in well-deserved refreshment, here is a 100 grand to get you started." (Each was presented with a $100,000 candy bar.)